THE MONSTER ROACH FROM HELL A True Story by Robert E Kreig
Just had the Monster Roach from Hell attack me in the kitchen. The beast charged me, appearing from beneath the fridge before scurrying in my direction. I grabbed the PeaBeu and almost emptied the can onto its armour plated shell. Still, it came for me again and again. I lunged this way and that, with my cat-like reflexes. Admittedly, I didn't do too bad with my movement considering that I have done something to my left big toe. I can't bend it too far for some reason. A little bit of dull pain and I don't know what caused it. But I digress. The "effing" PeaBeu was useless. I may as well have sprayed cockroach strength inducing nutrients at the monster for all the good it was doing. I quickly switched to the Mortein. One quick spray and the creature from the Death Dimension stopped in its tracks. Now, the tables had turned. I attacked again. The little bastard fled towards my freezer. I gave chase. In my haste I stubbed my toe against the corner. My left big toe. A silent scream of agony filled my lungs as I leapt towards the Roach of Doom. I sprayed the Mortein again, covering the creature with a thick, white foam. Before I cold finish the task, it slipped away, under the freezer. I believe it is there still, licking its wounds and planning its revenge. But I'm ready for it. I have the Mortein close at hand, and a thong. Now I go to ice my toe. My left big toe.